I am very good at encouraging people to take it easy. “We don’t have to do so much, think so much, be so busy busy busy,” I say. “It’s okay to just Be.” Be immersed in play with our children, be tired and take a nap, even be still and do nothing because we don’t know what it is we want to do, period.
“To everything there is a season,” I say. “Ebb and flow.” We listen to our bodies, honour our instincts, and rest when we need to rest; and in so doing we keep our lives and ourselves in balance.
Well, crap. I am having to put my money where my mouth is, and it’s making me cranky.
There are so many things I want to do! I want to write, I want to read, I want to complete the notes I am compiling so that I may be more fluent in discussing the chakra system. (!) I want to meditate, do readings with my oracle cards, study reiki, and practice the energy medicine techniques I am learning in the book I sneak peaks at while breastfeeding Henry or visiting the washroom.
Wonderful! The creative juices are flowing. I feel guided, on-track, inspired. I also feel freaking tired, all of the time.
My body wants me to take it easy, and I know that. My mind would also like me to take a rest. It nudges me to stop thinking by giving me subtle headaches. I feel the ‘shhh’ messages it sends me. But how can I stop thinking? And why now, when I have so many things I am excited to learn and think about?
Enter my Higher Self, to help me make my way through this conundrum. Here is what I get: (I also like to view this as ‘What I would say to you if you came to me with this quandary’:) ‘Listen to your intuition. It is possible that even though you enjoy the work you are doing, you are pushing yourself too hard. Perhaps stepping back and even stepping off of the Life on Track treadmill will open you up to greater opportunities (to one ‘direct hit’, say) than would scurrying around and trying to put in time doing everything.
‘You’re all about faith, no? Well trust in the messages you are receiving, and have the courage to act on them. What if you are being encouraged to stop thinking so much so that you can begin to think in a different way? What if life is asking you to do less so that you may be clear, and open, and ultimately capable of learning and doing more? What if everything you have sought to create is rushing toward you now, and life is offering you a needed rest before you get swept away? Or what if you’re just really, really dumb and just can’t no more do any good thinking?’
Hm. Thanks, Higher Self. (I may have had a little input on that last bit.) But I already feel resistance. What goes? The blog? But I love the blog. My angel cards? My reading? Oh ho– and now my brain be working good– the doing itself need not necessarily go. What’s weighing me down is the thinking. The planning to be doing, the fretting because I am not doing, the urgency I feel during Reine’s bedtime because I want to at least catch an hour before I succumb to sleep (with infinitely fewer stall tactics) myself; it’s the thinking, the analysis, the constant mental play-by-play that has to go.
That’s a tall order for a lifetime overthinker. But I can try. It is Winter, after all, when the world around us withdraws into silence and stillness. May my mind be calm, like a blanket of snow…
Well if I don’t write as much this month it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I love me, and I’m probably just asleep.